You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize