you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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