Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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