I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
