just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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