what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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