that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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