I just threw up on my dentist
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
