More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
