Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You smell like stripper and shame
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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