I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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