you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
