and you said cock pushups were impossible
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
