How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
