I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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