the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
