I just threw up on my dentist
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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