I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
