SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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