listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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