I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
