so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
