brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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