Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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