my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
