Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
