i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
