This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
