At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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