How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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