i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
