I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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