you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
