I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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