No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
