you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
