she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
