I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
A+ Viking dick
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
