do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
