Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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