But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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