The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
