I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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