If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
