you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
