Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
