i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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