please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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