i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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