FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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