NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
