I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
