I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
