why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize