Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
