He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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