It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
