Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
