I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize