How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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