Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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