my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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