just come out here and I will go home with you...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
