He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
