Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Houston, we have a squirter
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
