Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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