I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Boobs speak an international language.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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