He is such a slut. More and more my type.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
