Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
