What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
