white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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