If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
