The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
