Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
