that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
